Right now I am not in any type of conflict other than dealing with a moody teenage daughter. I deal with her by just listening and asking if she wants my help. Most of time I am the person she is just venting to or I have to be the mom and say "because I said so". Yes! I know that is not the right thing to do but it is not that often and often revolves around doing things as a family or with family.
However my oldest daughter, Jessica, is trying to establish a relationship with her new mother-in-law which is a her conflict that she bring to me, so in a round about way it is my conflict too. What she see as her problem is her mother-in-law goes to her son to find out what is going on with Jessica rather than ask her directly. What I have told her over and over is that in order to establish this relationship ask her mother-in-law about herself first then she will ask about you(Jessica) then NICELY thank her for asking and respond. That is a key concept for her to understand "nice" even though I have drilled into her head for years it seems to have taken a backseat lately. The other part of this equation is the mother-in-law lives in another state so communication is either by phone, text, or skype. I know in my heart will work out for them but they will each need to realize who is the important person in the relationship and by putting the son/husband in the middle is not good.
I fall back on the old adage " you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinger." If she can be the honey then her mother-in-law will start asking about her rather than go to her son.
Laury,
ReplyDeleteI can identify with the teenage daughter syndrome which is what I decided to write about. Sounds as though you have given good advice to your other daughter. Sounds as though an "I" statement might work for your daughter as a strategy to connect with her mother-in-law (as recommended by the Conflict Resolution Network -http://www.crnhq.org).
Tamara
My teenage daugther acts the same way. Is it something in the water. I often time feel like I'm talking to myself. Her favorite line is "I don't understand. And maybe I don't understand.
ReplyDeleteI hope that your daughter finds a way to resolve the conflict with her mother-in-law. Hopefully the information that we have gained through this weeks resources, can help you help her resolve her problem and may be we can work together and resolve the conflict the arrives from having a teenage daughter.